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The true problem with men
Everyone has it all wrong
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The true problem with men
Please tell me Iâm not the only one whoâs been seeing TikToks, reels and tweets all over the place like this one â
Excited to announce the second Art of Alpha menâs retreat, taking place Dec 17-21 in Sayulita, Mexico! This 5-day experience is designed for men who want to push their limits mentally, physically, and spiritually. At this retreat we will explore biohacking, yoga, movement⌠x.com/i/web/status/1âŚ
â Robert âżreedlove (@Breedlove22)
5:35 PM ⢠Oct 21, 2024
Weird af, right?
I feel like I really started seeing this kind of content geared towards ârestoring menâs alpha modeâ or whatever starting around 2020. Weâve always been cringe (I mean have you seen the Rocky movies? Love the first few, but come on now), but this stuff everywhere online is different.
All of this is all part of the same narrative that men are in crisis.
IS there are crisis with men / masculinity?
Itâs become part of broader culture war to say âmen are in crisis and need help,â but no one seems to agree on WHAT the problem is with men.
Lots of annoying guys online, like Joe Rogan, Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, etc. say a hodgepodge of things, but it all dilutes down to this:
Men are getting weaker and sadder - theyâre all suffering more (allegedly).
Weird, I know.
And they all shout about the 1000s of reasons as to why: low testosterone from chemicals in our food, theyâre always watching porn and playing video games, theyâre being told being masculine is bad, etc.
These online podcast bros also LOVE to say that NO ONE is talking about MEN and their suffering:
Wrong - no one will SHUT UP about them:

Even popular media outlets like Vox try and put their own spin on it - from left to right, everyone is talking about it.
Iâm not a fan of this because all this hubbub has encouraged insecure men to share these Tumblr-ass memes everywhere:

But if you ask me, thereâs nothing new going on with men.
Iâm pretty sure that for most of time, men (we) have always been agents of chaos and kind of sucked:
Men commit most violent crimes
Men are the majority of alcoholics
Men gamble the most
Men crash their cars the most
Men commit suicide the most
Men overdose the most
The list can go on.
This doesnât mean we shouldnât try and fix these issues.
However, the only thing thatâs new is that, in the Internet age we live in, everyone figured out that this topic draws attention. This leads to more views then followers then eventually monetizing this attention (from men) based off insecurity - they buy into the âsolutionsâ thatâll âhealâ them - like Liver King (a loser full of steroids).
So, now that we know thereâs nothing really new with this crisis, but everyone feels the need to figure it out, letâs start with trying to understand which men arenât doing great.
As much as the libs hate to admit it, we have strong evidence that money DOES, in fact, tend to make you happier (to an extent ofc)
If more $$ didnât really make people happier, then weâd see poorer countries reporting to be happier/more satisfied with life compared to wealthier countries.
But we donât. Probably because poorer countries also tend to suffer from more violence, pollution, and are all around just harder to survive in.
Now, despite us doing so well in the states, young Americans (especially poorer American men) tend to die younger than other other rich countries.
Why? It looks like, for whatever reason, American men resort more to âcoping mechanisms,â like alcohol and drugs.
Whatâs also interesting to me about this stuff is that it looks like itâs mostly American media obsessed with talking about the âmasculinity crisisâ/why men are so sad đ˘
Why not Asia, Europe, etc.? Canât really figure that tbh. Maybe because men are typically told to bottle up their feelings and shove them down, so discussing this is still considered taboo.
Now that we know itâs usually poorer American me, letâs address some of the claims people try and use to explain why these poorer American men are suffering:
âMen are struggling to find a job and fulfillmentâ - Wrong. Things have literally never been better by most standard measures for economic well-being in America, from employment to debt:income to median wealth to physically easier, safer, more pleasant jobs.
If you want the deets, you can check out my last post on this in June:
âItâs the negativity from the media!â Wouldnât EVERYONE be in crisis then? Wouldnât we see happiness falling for men and women?

âItâs living in a post-capitalist society!!!â - relax, plz. First of all, this is just word salad. #2: all empirical measures (from child mortality to purchasing power) has gotten much better over time for the average American - the past kind of sucked: men lived shorter, worse lives - broken bodies from factory jobs, drinking all the time, etc.
âMen are no longer the alpha!â - ergo, men not adjusting to modern societal roles. As you know, weâre no longer in caveman times, nor are we in Mad Men era of 1950s when women were forced into economically and socially submissive roles that benefitted men because of things like, ya know, how they werenât allowed to open a bank account on their own until the 60s.. while men could basically do whatever they wanted.
As the Barbie movie showed, it does feel like men seem to be pretty confused about their role in society. Women have moved on from needing a man to survive. Theyâre no longer forced to resort to a man since they have options now. But men seem to still be tying their self-worth to what women think of them.
While I think this is a pretty philosophical claim and lacks being grounded in measurable things, I do think men are encouraged to behave like theyâre Tony Soprano (even though there are actually lots of good role models in media for men today too, despite what people say).
âItâs none of that, Zach! Itâs a loneliness epidemic!â False - contrary to popular media narratives, weâre not experiencing widespread, worsening loneliness. In fact, I like to argue that itâs never been easier to make friends and connect with others, whether itâs social media or being able to be ~ vulnerable ~ (everyoneâs favorite word) with others.
Tbh, as you can see, Iâm really struggling to find where this masculinity crisis is besides Joe Rogan complaining about it!
Maybe men arenât doing so hot, though, since the suicide rate is a bit higher than it was in the 1940s, for example. And while we donât know for sure, it does look like being less educated + owning a firearm are correlated with higher suicide rates.
To recap: itâs looking like we donât have some new âcrisis of masculinity,â but rather a long-standing condition of how men (mainly poorer, less-educated) have been for a long time that we should keep trying to alleviate.
But it feels like thereâs some new âmasculinity crisisâ because everyone has a microphone via social media and is addicted to discussing this hot topic.
I think Matt Yglesias sums it up best here:
Married men are healthier, live longer regardless of health status, and have more sex at all ages. I think those are outcomes most people want. And women continue to prefer better-educated and higher-earning partners.
So if you want to have a good life according to really banal criteria, itâs a good idea to get your shit together and either finish college or learn a trade and try to keep your video game playing and pot smoking to a level thatâs commensurate with getting some promotions at work. You should probably also not be a huge misogynist and consider learning to cook and take care of a child to a degree your grandfather didnât, but old-fashioned stuff is still incredibly applicable. These are not exactly dark hidden truths, but I do feel like they tend to be spoken mostly by creepy pickup artists or weirdos like Jordan Peterson, and maybe normal people would benefit from hearing them from a more normal source.
Still curious?
This is a great book - I Donât Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression
Thanks for taking the Pack,
Zach
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Having a random hobby as an adult is actually hilarious. Youâll be having a day delivered directly from hell but then gotta suck it up to get to tap class by 6:30pm.
â KAYA NOVA (@thekayanova)
1:02 AM ⢠Oct 24, 2024
I hate Texas halloween, what do you mean you're Ted Cruz abandoning the state during a crisis
â Hannah Fishman (@HANnah_SOL0)
5:05 PM ⢠Oct 28, 2024
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