You’ve seen the hot takes, the experts droning on, and everyone’s algorithmic echo chambers firing on all cylinders, but now it’s my turn to indulge you.

I’m no expert, clearly, but I feel compelled.

It only took a few days to start a war and a few more for it to vanish back into the ether, but now I’m delivering what most decided to neglect — giving you a proper “what you need to know” on Iran-Israel war from a few weeks ago.

Watch me tear through 50 years of history in 30 seconds (deep breaths):

1979: huge revolution takes place in Iran. They trade an American-backed, authoritarian-like shah for a dictatorial, religious regime. I wouldn’t call it a “win” though, imo.

1980s-2020s: Iranian regime beefs (to put it lightly) with Israel by bankrolling terrorist groups _yikes for decades, like Hezbollah, Hamas, Iraqi Shiite militias, and the Houthis. Really anything that gets at Israel or the U.S. Why though? To oversimplify it, Iran treats Israel like an illegitimate occupier and sees it as a Western beachhead on Muslim land. Weird ideological stuff that’s been accompanied by tons of eye-for-an-eye behavior.

Iran even went as far as installing a handy-dandy digital “Israel destruction” countdown clock in Tehran’s Palestine Square _woof

Oct 7, 2023: Hamas declares an all-out war on Israel.

Fun fact that might surprise Americans (who famously can't locate Iran on a map): Israel and Iran aren't neighbors. They're about as far apart as Seattle and L.A, but don’t worry - they’re just as toxic as ever.

Partly because of this geographical distance, Iran bombs and terrorizes Israel through its proxies:

Israel, however, doesn’t do proxies. They typically go right for the jugular - targeted assassinations, cyberattacks (Stuxnet, anyone?), and occasional straight-up sabotage.

This was sort of the status quo until October 7th, 2023, when Hamas (Iran's proxy) decided to go all-in against Israel.

Flash forward to today: Israel murked Iran’s main proxies by blowing up Hezbollah with fake pagers and airstrikes, and obliterating most of Hamas via wiping out Gaza. Meaning - Iran’s primary leverage against Israel is in shambles.

And just a few weeks ago, Israel launched what can only be described as a masterclass in military operations against Iran _{(and I was just trying to watch Love Island!!!)}.

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, game recognize game.