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_{The vibe-killer disclaimer: The opinions in this post and all other posts only represent myself and do not represent the opinions of my employer or any groups I am a member of.
This is not financial advice or recommendation for any investment. The Content is for informational purposes only, you should not construe any such information or other material as legal, tax, investment, financial, or other advice.}

⬇️ Let’s get it

The Art of Not Screwing Up Important Conversations

Imagine getting publicly humiliated at work by your most important client. Now, imagine it’s on live TV.

Last week, we witnessed possibly the most embarrassing diplomatic crash-out in modern history. And, naturally, the best way to capture it is via meme:

So, what happened, you ask?

Last week, Ukrainian president Zelensky met with President Trump and the VP (or Beavis and Butthead) to sign a minerals deal as part of the “peace” process with Russia. Economist Noah Smith summed up the moment best:

Watching this train wreck unfold, I couldn’t help but think: bad communication isn’t just awkward. It has real consequences. It wrecks relationships, costs people jobs, and in this case, potentially destabilizes entire countries.

As someone who is addicted to the internet and has to communicate in Spanish and Portuguese to get people in a dozen different countries to trust me _{(not a flex, just facts)}, I figured now is a good time to share some neglected communication tips that have saved my ass more times than I can count. Enjoy.

Communication is a skill, not a talent.

I hate to break it to you, but you will find it personally liberating to view nearly everything in your life as more of “skill issue” than the whole “i was born a taurus and can’t help it, sorry” perspective.

Too many people treat bad communication like a personality trait:
🚫 “I’m a Taurus, I can’t help it.”
✅ “I could probably learn to phrase things better.”

Once you get over the initial angst and terror of submitting to this perspective, you’ll be surprised by how much better you’ll get at.. well, everything.

Label it

I first learned about labeling years ago, after reading Chris Voss’ Never Split the Difference. It’s a negotiation tactic where you name the emotions you think the other person is feeling, especially in tense situations.

🔹 Example: You’re arguing with a friend. Horns are locked. You can feel things spiraling. Instead of doubling down, you pause and say:

“It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated.”

This interrupts the cycle and makes the other person feel heard, which defuses tension, lowers their defensiveness, and builds trust.

You turn emotionally towards each other instead of away.

On top of that, whoever you’re talking to is usually not even aware of the emotion(s) they’re feeling. You really know you hit the mark when they fire back “Yes! I’m feeling (emotion you just said).”

Think of labeling like a well-timed joke that breaks an awkward silence. It lowers defenses and resets the vibe.

Audit

💡The Audit — sometimes you can even preemptively call out how your words might sound: “This might sound unfair, but…”

When you do this, people are less defensive because they feel like you already get their reaction.

Instead of naming the emotion they’re feeling, you’re trying to predict how they might respond to what you’re going to say.

“Look, I know this might sound unfair/crazy/annoying, and I totally get that…”

I use this all the time if what I’m about to say to family, a friend, etc. may have a negative connotation to them — it could be bad news, or something annoying or frustrating.

Connect through vulnerability

At some point, try and really connect with the person by sharing your own emotions, which hopefully brings you to sharing something vulnerable about yourself.

This does NOT mean oversharing or crying. It means revealing something that could be judged or used against you (admitting a mistake, sharing an honest but maybe unpopular opinion).

Brenee brown example? find video ? find quote?

Let it breathe

Like in stand-up comedy, it often comes down to the well-timed pauses. This is especially handy in negotiations (just saying your piece then shutting up), but it’s also surprisingly useful in everyday conversation. So try leave room for thought. Let a sentence hover in the air. Don’t let your emotions hijack your control.

Recap so far:
🟢 Label emotions.
🟢 Audit potential reactions.
🟢 Open up (but don’t overshare)
🟢 Breathe (pause before reacting)

👀 Pro Tips: 

• Avoid using “you” if there’s even a hint of blame in the air. Say “This situation feels frustrating” instead of “You’re being difficult.”

• Leave room for doubt. Depending on the convo, it helps to inject phrases like “I could be totally off though!” so your friend, relative, whoever, feels invited to share, disagree or explore the conversation with you.

Btw, don’t worry or be scared about how ‘good’ you are at this — you should keep in mind that many people (especially men) are so novice at labeling their own emotions that therapists will use a wheel of emotions to help walk people through what they’re feeling and give it a name.

Recognize the Type of Conversation You’re In

This one took me forever to figure out. My girlfriend used to get so mad at me: “Stop trying to solve it!”

And I, in my infinite wisdom, would reply: “But… I have a solution?”

Thank God she was incredibly patient with me on this.

Here’s a great, short explainer:

Based on Charles Duhigg’s new book, Supercommunicators, we can think of conversations as either:

• Practical: you’re solving a problem or making plans with someone.

• Emotional: you’re venting, processing, or just need to be heard.

Managers and employees run into this all the time. One side is venting, the other is trying to 'fix' the problem, and then no one feels heard.

So now, I literally ask: “Do you want my advice, or just should I just listen?”

10/10 would recommend.

Energy Has No Language.

Just like a good joke, having a good conversation is about how you speak — what energy you communicate with can matter more than what you say.

Charisma may be more of a natural talent, but good energy (enthusiasm!) is definitely a skill that improves the more you practice.

People speak their primary language inside their second language.

Notice that, for those who don’t speak English as their first language, everything leaks over into the second language — tone, intonation, word choice.

This isn’t just about words. People carry their cultural communication style into every language they speak. So try and get a bead on the vibe.

Visualize the outcome you hope for, then work backwards.

Like any good writer, start at the end.

Whether you want get your friend laughing at your story, convince your group to go to a certain restaurant, or get your boss’ buy-in, start at the end emotion you want them to feel, the end outcome you’re going for, and then build up to that.

Now, do you think Trump’s public meltdown reflected any of this?

Your handy-dandy recap list:

✅ Label emotions – Name what the other person is feeling to defuse tension.
✅ Audit potential reactions – Acknowledge how your words might sound before they say it.
✅ Open up (not needlessly oversharing) – Be vulnerable in a way that builds trust, not discomfort.
✅ Breathe (pause before reacting) – Don’t let emotions hijack your response.
✅ Recognize the type of conversation you’re in – Are you solving a problem or just listening? Ask!
✅ Watch your language – Avoid “you” statements that assign blame.
✅ Match your energy to your message – Delivery matters just as much as words.
✅ Enthusiasm is a skill – People respond more to how you say something than what you say.
✅ Understand language leaks – People bring their first-language style into their second language. Adjust accordingly.
✅ Visualize the outcome first – Start with how you want them to feel and work backwards.
_{(goes without saying, but obviously listen intently too!)}

Thanks for taking the Pack,

Zach

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Disclaimer: This is not financial advice or recommendation for any investment. The Content is for informational purposes only, you should not construe any such information or other material as legal, tax, investment, financial, or other advice.